Simple and useful resurrection app with GPS, Google Maps and e-copy of the Necronomicon
2nd Chance is the first necromancy app available free on your Droid and iPhone (in beta testing stage only)
<< 2nd chance requires a magnetic sensor, location services activated and two samples of blood, one living and one dead >>
This resurrection app is a tool for bringing your loved ones back to life. PLEASE DO NOT USE ON CORPSES DEAD MORE THAN A WEEK. Cannot guarantee that it will be the decedent’s soul that returns after that date. You may find them… changed.
1. Although you may bring back to life pets and other animals, they will not know you and must be retrained.
2. Necronomicon is available in Latin only (translations pending)
3. If Location services are turned off, soul may return only halfway. Please keep gun on hand to re-kill any raised abominations.
4. All belief systems supported
The 2nd chance app depends on the performance of your device exactly. If the dead are raised perfectly, it means that your sensors for the nearness of spirits are perfect too.
If there are aberrations, such as the undead (zombies) or manifestations of Beelzebub or Lucifer, please check that you are a firm believer in the afterlife. Any doubt allows for evil to creep through! This app has several options to calibrate your theism (The Bible, Qu’ran and Avesta are all included).
· Pro-version includes:
Ø Soul sensor (guarantees accuracy of re-absorption up to 95.5%)
Ø Nearest Exorcist locator (in case of resurrections gone awry)
Ø Helpful resurrection tips
Ø Free vial of holy water
Good luck, and remember, if it’s been less than a week. There’s still hope. Your loved ones are never fully gone!
John looked down at his phone, then back up at the grave.
Aviva Lester 1988 – 2014
Far more than a week, but still, thinking back on the past two years of misery, on the grief that had never lessened, on the unfairness of her dying just after their wedding day, the apps warnings went unheeded as he download 2nd chance and approached his beloved’s final (?) resting place.
“I promised,” He whispered, “I will never say goodbye.”
The app downloaded and stalled, he pulled up its main screen.
SOUL LOCATOR. He pressed the button and, when prompted, enter Aviva’s full name and birthdate.
SEARCHING… SEARCHING… SEARCHING…
“Come on!” He begged. “Work goddammit! She’s here, she waited for me.”
RESULTS: 1 SOUL LOCATED THAT MEETS PARAMETERS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETRIEVE? (YES/NO)
John’s heart soared. This might actually work. He pressed yes with tears in his eyes.
WARNING. SENSORS SHOW SOUL IS _2_ YEARS PAST ‘RAISE BY’ DATE. CHANCES OF SUCCESSFUL RESSURECTION <10%. CHANCES OF ‘OTHER PRESENCE’ FORCING ITS WAY THROUGH OPENED CHANNEL ~50%.
DO YOU STILL WISH TO PROCEED? (YES/NO)
“Any chance is chance enough.” John said to himself, pressing yes without the slightest hesitation.
The phone whirred for a bit, then grew hot in John’s hands. So hot he dropped it into the soft loam of the gravesite. Blue electricity shot from the phones edges into the ground. Then the heavens opened, and lightning cracked down onto the grave, burrowing into the soil and casting it asunder. The crackling electric bolts struck again and again until a hole several feet deep opened before John, who by that time had thrown himself onto the ground hands before his eyes.
After some moments of chaos, silence reigned. John gingerly took back to his feet, creeping forward to see what remained.
The grave was undug, the coffin struck open, a figure rose unsteadily from it. Rot and years fell away and John recognized his Aviva.
“My God… it’s possible. I brought you back. It’s possible!” He ran to her, weeping again.
Aviva stared at him silently and with wide eyes, recognition slowly dawning.
“John? But… how. I was, oh my no. I was dead?”
He hugged her, not caring that a shock of electricity went through him. The pain of that was nothing compared to his joy at reuniting with her. “Doesn’t matter. Darling, you’re here now. I love you. I always loved you.”
Aviva’s eyes then too began to water. “Oh, John…”
“Come, let’s get you home and out of those rags. Everyone will be so glad you’re back…”
He half-carried her from the torn grave, as she stumbled over legs rusty from disuse and atrophy. As he nattered on in his happiness, Aviva turned back the way she had come, eyes narrowing at the sight only she beheld. Briefly, in the moonlight, a translucent figure the mirror image of the girl brought to life reached out towards them. It mouthed silently, no body with which to speak.
John, beloved. That’s not me. I didn’t make it back. I was beaten to my body. That’s not me. That’s not me-
The figure faded, its connection to this realm lost. Seeing the figure go, ‘Aviva’ turned away, satisfied, and once again contemplated what horrors she might work on this world of flesh.
You thought you stopped me for good, God. But I’m back, baby. I’m back!